Or how I learned to stop worrying and love the Boy.

1. The Lion(el) beats the whites – As the dust settles in the aftermath of the first annual Lionel Messi day, and all those involved in football who partook in the festivities awake to reality, tired, fragile and emotional, slightly embarrassed by their previous night’s over exuberance as they start to remember fragments of memories that recall other players and performances over the years still actually exist, we must spare a thought for the vanquished. Whilst many – including 70s porn star Graeme Souness – saw just a perfect blur of mauve and burgundy sweep all before it like a regal tornado, I saw this game as far more even than it’s predecessor. For me, Arsenal held their own far better than they had on their own ground and were undone purely by the brilliance of the host with the most. Whereas at the Emirates they had been shown a team performance of sublime co-efficiency, here they were shown an individual one. Whilst the home side were clearly better, the scoreline inflicted on the English side here would have been more deserved 6 days ago. Here they were shorn of their two best attacking players and one of their best defenders, but still weren’t dismantled in the same way as they had been for 20 minutes in London. The great irony (in the Alanis Morrissette – or wrong – sense) is that for all the great team play Dirk Souness et all saw, this was the most I have ever seen Barcelona be a one-man team. Messi is clearly their best player, but no one but him even looked vaguely like scoring the whole night. Whilst they are undoubtedly the best team in Europe right now, and a gloriously rounded and well balanced one, last night they were carried and depended on their superstar. And what a superstar he is.

2. Wanna be startin’ Something – It had all started so brilliantly for Arsenal. Abou Diaby seized on some nonchalant dwelling from Chavy and Biscuits to slide Theo Walcott clean through. Seemingly shocked by the mere occurrence of such a chance, Theo nearly conspired to mess it up by stubbing a weak ball across the area to Bendtner who did brilliantly to muscle his foot in front for a shot before reacting quickest to the rebound.  All of a sudden the Gunners were in front in the tie for the first time, all they needed to do now was contain Barcelona at home for 70 minutes. Easy.

3. And so it begins – Messi had already looked dangerous early on, rattling two long-range efforts just wide before Arsenal had taken the lead. With him clearly up for it, something that surely needed to be avoided was needlessly giving him the ball in a clear shooting position. This was unfortunately something Mikaël Silvestre didn’t seem to have been briefed on, and in what would’ve no doubt been a lovely intricate move if the Frenchman had been playing in claret and blue, the little Argentine received the ball from him just on the D, and like George Michael in a public rest room, wasted no time in swinging his most deadly appendage into action with devastating effect.

4. Three, that’s the magic number – From then on the half, and in fact the whole game itself became nothing more than An Audience with Lionel Flair. Messi vs Silvestre never looked like a particularly competitive bout on paper, and proved not to be so as he tormented the oddly shaped head of the former Manchester United defender a few minutes later, cutting in onto his weaker right to rifle one just wide from the angle.  Despite this, the home side still seemed relatively unconvincing at trying to play the offside trap but incredibly convincing at pretending to be hurt by innocuous challenges. Arsenal weren’t out of this yet. And then, in a blink of the eye, they were. Messi danced past Silvestre again after his own defence splitting pass had not been made the most of by Abidal and he’d clearly decided that if he wanted something doing, he’d better ruddy well do it himself. Just before the break he was sent clear, and with the most sublime confidence, neatly chipped Almunia right down his throat to claim a hat trick in a mere 20 minutes. He almost grabbed a fourth before the half was out but in the end had to settle for three as the Sky pundits – oddly shorn of a studio and reduced to standing on what looked like a scaffolding – tried their best to hide their erections and everyone else watching at home fetched a napkin to mop up the drool.

5. The best a man can get! – The second half was less exciting as Barca sat back and Arsenal failed to press adequately. Every now and then Messi tried to dribble round 6 or 7 players only to be stopped by the last and Theo Walcott tried to do the same only to be stopped by the first. Eventually the man of the moment crowned the evening fittingly as he eventually did dribble round a gaggle of players, in a quite ridiculously audacious way, only to be thwarted by Almunia. Undeterred by this, he simply picked it up again, took a deep breath and nutmegged him at the second attempt. Simples. The best of the night from the best in the world, and only the mighty pouting coat of Jose Mourinho stands between Barca and another final. Hyperbole simply isn’t enough, but by God we’re all gonna try anyway!